Pushing

No, not drug pushing... Lol

I'm talking about pushing someone to do better, to be better... Most of the time, when we push, it's for the greater good, but the way we choose to push can make a HUGE difference...

The way I see it, there are 2 kinds of pushing: encouraging & berating...

When we encourage, we use positivity, praise, and validation to get people to or make them continue to do amazing things. We might say, "Keep up the good work!" or "You're so talented, you'd be perfect for doing this!" or something to that effect.

Now, some of you may think of this as coddling or hand-holding or "baby-ing", but some people just do better with the positivity. 

On the opposite end, when we berate (and it doesn't always have to be malicious or even intentional), we criticize, pester, or otherwise keep bugging someone to do better... We might say, "You should be doing more with your life!" or "Good isn't good enough!" or something along those lines. 

Many people choose this method of pushing. It may be a school of thought passed through family or community. It may be what makes sense to you to light a fire under someone. 

Now, I'm not gonna put one above the other. Different people respond to different methods of pushing, and what works for one person may not work for another. Plus, most of the time, when we push, it's all for the greater good, right?...  Well, let's look at some pros & cons of each kind of pushing... 

Pros: 

Encouraging: 

-studies show that people respond better to positive reinforcement (when something is given) than negative reinforcement (when something is taken). So, when you're "giving" people good things to stand on, when you're trying to build them up, you might have better results.

Berating:

-some people need that "kick in the pants" to get them going... Some people get incredibly motivated by others making them understand that you want them to be great so badly that you get irritated when they're not operating at their full potential or what you think that full potential is. 

Cons: 

Encouragement:

-All that positivity can backfire. Simply put, some people think that positive encouragement is too soft, too easy. If you're too positive, it's like you don't care enough or it can make them feel like they're drowning in mushy crap that means nothing...

Berating:

-Too much of the nagging, chastising, and/or scolding can result in a shutdown... Some people just don't respond well to being fussed at, all the time. It can cause them to get self-conscious, and turn inward. 

I know that some of you may have your own position on which kind of pushing is best, or you just have a natural method that you use as a habit. Like I said, neither are wrong, but you have to be careful. I say ALL THE TIME that you have to know who you're talking to. You have to adjust your approach when talking to different people, because different people react, absorb, and think about things in different ways. 

Personally, I'm naturally more of an encourager, but I'm not afraid to chastise when it's appropriate. I guess it's because I try to deal with people the way I want to be dealt with. I DO NOT do well w/ being fussed at... That doesn't motivate me, but hey, like I said, what works for one may not for the other. 

So, I guess all I'm saying is that pushing is a very good thing, most of the time, but you gotta make sure you're pushing that person up and not away...

Men & Shades of Grey

Let me start out by saying that, of course, this may not apply to all men. I don't make those kinds of generalizations. Actually, that's kinda the point of this blog in the first place... Ok, so here we go...

I was having a convo w/ a friend the other night & she was talking about her man's trouble w/ differentiating between what has happened in other people's lives & what can happen in his. This is a VERY common issue w/ today's young man. I've seen it for myself, I've heard it from male friends, & I've heard stories about the very same thing. It troubles me because this inability or unwillingness to apply a case-by-case basis of evaluation to your circumstances affects not only you and your well-being, but also that of those around you (friends, family, significant others, etc.)

Let me give another disclaimer before I get too deep. I am not suggesting that the men who do this do it all the time, unfortunately it's often only applied to social situations. Also, I am not suggesting that only men do this. Many women do too, but it's not usually the men who get hurt as a consequence of a woman over-generalizing. Ok, back to it.

Example time: let's say there's a couple who have been in a relationship for a long time. Things are getting serious. They've started talking about marriage, heavily. Suddenly, he gets distant. Not due to commitment phobia, but to an over-generalization. All he sees around him are dysfunctional marriages that may suffer from infidelity, bickering, jealousy, loss of "the spark", or any number of other factors. This might make anyone a little skittish. As such, the man in the relationship gets distant, nonchalant, less talkative, not himself.

Of course, he doesn't initially share this apprehension with his lady, but something I've noticed with today's young man is that this is pretty much paralyzing for them. They think that because this is what they've seen woth others, their friends, their family, or whomever, that this is what their marriage will be like. 

We've always heard that men are the simpler sex, & I think, to some degree, that's true. In this case, that idea applies in that the man in this relationship has over-simplified circumstances in his life. He has made his life a bit too black and white. Life is grey, ladies & gents. You can't apply the same idea to a different situation if the people, circumstances, time, & thought processes are all different! I get the fear. It's valid, but you're selling yourself & your significant other INCREDIBLY short. If you want things to be different, do everything in your power to make it so. Don't let someone else's circumstances dictate your own. 

Young man of today, focus on your own relationship. If there's something you want with your significant other, do it. Go after it. Don't let what your buddies do or say phase you or make you timid. From what I've seen, this affects you guys not only in your relationship, but it also starts to trickle down into other aspects of your life. Pretty soon, you'll find yourself biologically intertwined with your sofa & it takes a natural disaster to unstick your ass from the couch for reasons you don't understand (that paralysis thing I was talking about)

OR you go out & act a damn fool out galavanting & doing things you know you have no business doing, as an act of rebellion (also a form of paralysis, emotional, that is).

Don't do this to yourself, gentlemen, but more importantly, do that to your lady. 

Keys to the Castle

Okay, girls. Through a little experimentation, I have found a fantastic breakthrough to help us out with our monthly "friend", or "Hell Week" as I like to call it... No pills, no powders, no potions, would you believe it's something as simple as a little Apple Cider Vinegar?! Let me explain...

So, I'm sure you've heard of ACV's superpowers in the realm of nutrition. I've actually used it as a weight loss tip for my clients. I've seen major results for them by suggesting that, BTW...

Did you know that it's great for your hair (for dandruff & shine), skin (acne & fading bruises), overall heath? This stuff is amazing! But let's get to the real point of this blog, helping with the period. 

So, I started thinking, as I'm talking to my clients about the ACV helping to flush water retention. I thought, "Hey, I wonder if it helps with the water retention during your period." Sometimes, I have a tendency to think out loud, so I mentioned the thought to a client, and she decided to give it a try, on her own. She used the ACV in a variety of ways, every day, the week before her period was supposed to come. Sometimes, she drank it in a glass of water. Sometimes, she used it as a topping on veggies. Sometimes, she used it as a salad dressing. Sometimes, she just drank it. She never used less than 2 tablespoons a day, but I cautioned her about overdoing it because it can dehydrate you if you do. She continued using it during the first 2 days of her period & reported the following:

-NO BLOATING

-NO WEIGHT GAIN

-less fatigue than usual 

-MUCH less cramping than usual

I was in shock! I couldn't believe all of the benefits. So, as soon as I could, I repeated the experiment in the same way that she did. Not in the exact same regiment, but in the same amount & with the variation that she did. It worked for me too! I didn't bloat, I wasn't so exhausted, & the cramps were MUCH better than usual! However, they did kinda kick in on day 2. I took a shot of ACV, maybe about a tablespoon or 2, & about 30 minutes later, the cramps were a thing of the past!

I feel like I've found Atlantis or something! Period system relief without medical intervention or having to fool around with a heating pad?! OMG! 

Okay, now I gotta be responsible & give my little disclaimer. If you have some kind of medical issue, you might wanna give the Dr. a shout before you try this. Also, like I said, if used to excess, it can dehydrate, so drink plenty of water! In addition, if you have acid reflux issues or ANY issues with acidity (ulcers, GI problems, throat sensitivity, etc), this may burn, so clear it w/ the Doc, & please dilute with water!!! 

Otherwise, enjoy this cheap & effective superfood! 

Sleep is a TERRIBLE Thing to Waste...

Some people have this romantic notion of sleep that it's not really all that important… or that missing a few winks ain't a big deal… Oh, how WRONG they are… I can't tell you how many times I've heard this overwheming sense of pride come along with pulling an all-nighter… The one that REALLY gets me is "sleep might make you miss out on an opportunity"… No, no, no… Lots of folks just don't get how important sleep really is… Are you one of those people?… Well, maybe after I drop some knowledge on you, you'll change your tune. Here are 3 aspects of your life that can be royally screwed by missing out on your sleep…

1. The Physical: Have you ever heard of beauty sleep?… That's a REAL thing! According to a recent study conducted at the University Hospitals Case Medical Center (2013), sleep deprivation is linked to a whole gang of physical issues!
-AGING:

People who don't sleep as well have more fine lines, wrinkles, and less skin elasticity than those who get their beauty sleep. 

-INFLAMMATION ISSUES: They also let us know that those who are sleep-deprived have a harder time coming back from a sunburn AND they experience slower weight loss or weight gain.
                        

 -WEAKENED IMMUNE SYSTEM: The Mayo Clinic suggests that lack of sleep                                   leads to all kinds of little diseases like diabetes, strokes, heart disease, and other cardiovascular issues…  
                                                                                      You know, nothing serious…

2. The Mental: According to the Harvard Medical School, a sleep-deprived brain can experience...

-LACK OF EFFICIENCY: A sleepy brain works harder.

-MEMORY: short-term memory? Long-term memory? What's that?...

-DIMINISHES RESPONSE TIME: Driving while sleepy can be as bad as driving with a .08 BAL.

-PSYCHOSIS: sleep deprivation can lead to hallucinations, paranoia, & irrational aggression. 

3. The Emotional:

-MOOD DISORDERS: Sleep deprivation increases the risk of developing anxiety & depression. 

-EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY: The ability to control & maintain emotions are seriously affected when sleep deprived. 

So, in other words, if you want mental health, rest your eyes!!!

Now, am I advocating laziness or sleeping all day?... Of course not... Many academic sources, including The National Sleep Foundation, suggest that, depending on age, the healthy amount of sleep for an adult is 7-9 hours per night. 

To sum it up... If you wanna really be healthy, successful... or sane... Get some sleep. Sleep is not for the weak, it's for the wise!

 

The Myth of 50/50 Love...

I might spark a little resistance with this one, but… Ok, let me start off my explaining myself… I'm not saying that love, affection, support, & all that other wonderful stuff shouldn't be equal… BUT having been in a relationship of my own for over 5 years, and having watched my peers, family, and society in their respective relationships, I've learned a couple things… 


I think when we think about relationships, we wanna idealize, fantasize, conceptualize the puppy dogs and rainbows of that new, clean, shiny-as-a-baby's-butt love… However, if you've been in the trenches for a while, like I have, you know better… lol I know it would be great & fabulous & wonderful if we
could always get back what we give… Well… it doesn't always work that way… Love & all that other stuff ain't always equal… It's not even really realistic… Things happen in our lives that distract us, emotionally incapacitate us, confuse us… making it more difficult to properly emote with, support, show love to a spouse. It may therefore leave room for one spouse to contribute more to the relationship than the other… making 50/50 love not so 50/50… 



Let's look at an example… Imagine an instance in which one spouse encounters a death in his/her family, the death of a very close relative. Obviously, the loss of a loved one is a terrible blow to one's mind & emotions. With all of that going on, it's that much harder to show the same amount of attention, love, etc. to the other spouse, understandably so! Plus, it becomes not only natural, but necessary, for the other spouse to jump in & fill aspects of the relationship in which the affected one is lacking, making this love temporarily not 50/50. Now, everybody grieves in different ways & for different amounts of time, so there's no telling how long the inequity will last, but what is virtually certain (if the love is real & true) is that once that affected spouse begins to heal, he/she will develop a greater & deeper appreciation for the other due to the outpouring of support and love he/she received during a rough time. Make sense? Great. Let's look at another example, a less traumatic one… 

Let's imagine an instance in which a man is experiencing a job loss. If there's one thing that I've learned, through experience, studies, and observation, much of a man's self-esteem is intertwined with his ability to provide for his family and to be successful in his work. When something happens to jeopardize those things, it can be a serious blow to his psyche & ability to emote properly, in general, but especially with his spouse. This may make it necessary for the other spouse to contribute more expressions of love, support, etc. to the relationship, temporarily, thus, the elimination of 50/50 love, for the moment. However, like I mentioned before, when things get better & normalcy re-enters the situation, so should his affections, support, etc. maybe mores, because of what his spouse has just done for him.


Now, let me back up for a second… I AM NOT saying that love & all that other stuff is NEVER 50/50. If you feel like you are always giving more or always giving less than your spouse in your relationship, you may wanna re-evaluate your situation. I'm just saying that things happen in our lives that make permanent emotional equity pretty improbable. However, if you are committed to your relationship and making sure that it lasts long-term, you've gotta understand that this inequity will happen from time-to-time. 


See what I mean? If you wanna be in a healthy, long-term relationship, step outta Candyland & into the real world. That 50/50 ideal that everybody talks about, it doesn't & most likely won't happen 24/7/365. Give & take is natural, so RELAX!!!

Kalia's Zesty Salsa!!!

Being healthy does NOT have to rob your life of flavor!!! Here's proof in a DELICIOUS & SIMPLE recipe!

Kalia's Zesty Salsa

Ingredients:

-1 red bell pepper
-1 green bell pepper
-1/2 small tomato
-3 garlic cloves
-1Tbsp cilantro
-1 squeeze of lime juice
-1tsp salt
-1/2Tbsp chili powder
-1/4tsp black pepper
-5Tbsp Apple Cider Vinegar




Time spent: 10-15 minutes

Directions:

Dice all veggies and add them to a medium-sized mixing bowl. Add spices to veggies and top with lime juice and vinegar. Stir well. Then serve and enjoy!

5 EASY Ways to Minimize the Damage During the Holidays

Ok, guys… We ALL know that the holiday season is a DANGEROUS time for watching our figures… I know, I know… We want the food, fun, and fellowship with friends & family… We wanna relax & take part in our traditions & all that good stuff… BUT the general public usually gains a CONSIDERABLE amount of weight from Halloween to New Years… Hence the scads of weight loss New Year's resolutions… 

I'm sure that some people couldn't care less about keeping an eye on a DAMN thing but all that good food, but for those of you who don't wanna slide down that slippery slope to post-holiday chunkiness… Here are 5 simple ways to minimize the damage… 

*disclaimer* these tips may only apply to those of us who celebrate traditional US end-of-the-year holidays. I'm not as familiar with all of the holiday practices of other cultures, but if any of you want some tips for your respective culture's holiday eating practices, let me know & I'll do some research!

1. ONLY 3 DAYS MATTER: There are only 3 days in the time frame I mentioned… Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas… Reserve the big, bad eating for THOSE DAYS ONLY!!! Leave all of
the leftovers for family, friends, the homeless or whomever else you can think of, but eating the bad stuff for days on end WILL pack on the pounds… 












2. More meat & veggies, less bread-y things…: Ok, so we know the veggies are good for you, so I'll save the explanation on that one… However, did you know that eating more lean protein is actually good for your metabolism? It keeps you satisfied & keeps your metabolism in burn-mode! The bread-y things (the starches) give you the draggy, tired feeling & the carbs will just turn into a reason for you to hate your jeans in the morning!

3. WATER, WATER, WATER!!!: We all know that water has dietary superpowers, so take advantage of them! Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day during this season (or every day if you really wanna be spectacular) to help your body flush some of the extra fat, sodium, and sugar you're consuming AND to keep your metabolism revved up so that you'll burn this food up a little faster than usual.





4. TAKE IT EASY ON THE BOOZE: I know that the holiday season is the time when a lot of us wanna drink & have a good time & there's nothing wrong with that… BUT the alcohol does pack on the pounds… A glass or 2 of wine, A COUPLE times a week is not  the worst thing in the world… but don't think you can get blitzed night after night without any tummy ramifications (not to mention the mental, emotional, & physical damage that may follow)…




5. GET ON UP!!!: After you've eaten, you may be semi-comatose from the meal, but if you can manage, get up and do something! You don't have to go run a marathon or anything, but do something… Turn on some music & start dancing, play a game on the Wii, take an evening stroll around the living room, WHATEVER! Just do something that requires a little physical effort. The activity will help your digestion & put you into burn mode. 

So, there you go! Just a few tips that'll help you not gain another notch or 3 in your belt in the next couple of months… Enjoy your holiday season!!!