The Myth of 50/50 Love...

I might spark a little resistance with this one, but… Ok, let me start off my explaining myself… I'm not saying that love, affection, support, & all that other wonderful stuff shouldn't be equal… BUT having been in a relationship of my own for over 5 years, and having watched my peers, family, and society in their respective relationships, I've learned a couple things… 


I think when we think about relationships, we wanna idealize, fantasize, conceptualize the puppy dogs and rainbows of that new, clean, shiny-as-a-baby's-butt love… However, if you've been in the trenches for a while, like I have, you know better… lol I know it would be great & fabulous & wonderful if we
could always get back what we give… Well… it doesn't always work that way… Love & all that other stuff ain't always equal… It's not even really realistic… Things happen in our lives that distract us, emotionally incapacitate us, confuse us… making it more difficult to properly emote with, support, show love to a spouse. It may therefore leave room for one spouse to contribute more to the relationship than the other… making 50/50 love not so 50/50… 



Let's look at an example… Imagine an instance in which one spouse encounters a death in his/her family, the death of a very close relative. Obviously, the loss of a loved one is a terrible blow to one's mind & emotions. With all of that going on, it's that much harder to show the same amount of attention, love, etc. to the other spouse, understandably so! Plus, it becomes not only natural, but necessary, for the other spouse to jump in & fill aspects of the relationship in which the affected one is lacking, making this love temporarily not 50/50. Now, everybody grieves in different ways & for different amounts of time, so there's no telling how long the inequity will last, but what is virtually certain (if the love is real & true) is that once that affected spouse begins to heal, he/she will develop a greater & deeper appreciation for the other due to the outpouring of support and love he/she received during a rough time. Make sense? Great. Let's look at another example, a less traumatic one… 

Let's imagine an instance in which a man is experiencing a job loss. If there's one thing that I've learned, through experience, studies, and observation, much of a man's self-esteem is intertwined with his ability to provide for his family and to be successful in his work. When something happens to jeopardize those things, it can be a serious blow to his psyche & ability to emote properly, in general, but especially with his spouse. This may make it necessary for the other spouse to contribute more expressions of love, support, etc. to the relationship, temporarily, thus, the elimination of 50/50 love, for the moment. However, like I mentioned before, when things get better & normalcy re-enters the situation, so should his affections, support, etc. maybe mores, because of what his spouse has just done for him.


Now, let me back up for a second… I AM NOT saying that love & all that other stuff is NEVER 50/50. If you feel like you are always giving more or always giving less than your spouse in your relationship, you may wanna re-evaluate your situation. I'm just saying that things happen in our lives that make permanent emotional equity pretty improbable. However, if you are committed to your relationship and making sure that it lasts long-term, you've gotta understand that this inequity will happen from time-to-time. 


See what I mean? If you wanna be in a healthy, long-term relationship, step outta Candyland & into the real world. That 50/50 ideal that everybody talks about, it doesn't & most likely won't happen 24/7/365. Give & take is natural, so RELAX!!!